Dysfunctional Families
What Is a Dysfunctional Family?
A dysfunctional family often involves unhealthy behaviors, frequent unresolved arguments between family members, and strained relationships that often affect the entire family.
In some cases, this could involve poor communication, childhood trauma, substance abuse, mental health problems, emotional abuse, or role dysfunction.
Taking steps to deal with this conflict by getting professional help early on can prevent the entire family unit from being affected. It can also help develop healthy relationships in the future.
Is Every Family Dysfunctional?
Family dysfunction is a lot more common than you may think; in many cases, it involves a parent with some sort of mental health problem. This can, in turn, affect the mental health of the children.
While not all families are dysfunctional, at the same time, no family is perfect. Just about every family will experience some sort of problem or dysfunction from time to time.
When families start to use unhealthy coping mechanisms, or manipulative behaviors like gaslighting, they move away from being a healthy family into a dysfunctional one.
What Is an Example of a Dysfunctional Family?
One example of household dysfunction is when there is reversed codependency between the parents and the children, where the children’s needs are less important than the parents.
In an example like this, a child may act as the caregiver for their parent and even their younger siblings.
Children who are victims of this kind of parentification will become skilled at taking care of those around them, but do not have their own needs met.
This often takes place in situations where the parent is struggling with untreated substance dependence or mental health problems.
What Are 5 Characteristics of a Dysfunctional Family?
Five characteristics of a dysfunctional family include poor communication, lack of boundaries, emotional unavailability, constant conflict, and unclear or improper roles within the family dynamics.
Signs of Family Dysfunction
Is My Family Dysfunctional?
Your family may be dysfunctional if it involves constant unresolved arguments between family members, unhealthy coping strategies like drug or alcohol use, and strained relationships.
What Are Signs Someone Grew Up in a Dysfunctional Family?
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, you may have mental or emotional problems that are now affecting you in adulthood.
The good news is that if you can recognize the signs of an unhealthy family dynamic, you can take the necessary steps toward healing.
If you experienced some of the following things within your family relationships growing up, you may have grown up in a dysfunctional family:
- Frequent arguing (some arguments may become hostile)
- Lack of boundaries
- Domestic violence
- Privacy that is not respected
- Emotional neglect (when a child’s emotional needs are not met or they aren’t encouraged to share how they’re feeling)
- Favoritism (showing preference towards one child over another)
- Pressure to be perfect (parents expecting their children to never make mistakes)
- Addictive or destructive behavior (disruptive, dysfunctional behaviors that affect the well-being of the family)
- Emotional instability (parents exhibiting constant mood swings)
- A parent who exhibits narcissistic traits (entitlement, arrogance, a need to always be right)
- Parents putting their needs or wants before their children
- A parent using fear or intimidation to control children
- Children experiencing a constant fear of punishment
- A parent who is in denial that the family dynamic has become unhealthy
Do Dysfunctional Families Keep Secrets?
Yes, some dysfunctional families keep secrets.
What Is a Common Rule in Dysfunctional Families?
A common rule within dysfunctional families is: don’t talk, don’t trust, don’t feel.
Most dysfunctional families will either shut down any open communication or reserve open communication only for certain members of the family.
For example, the children in the family will be constantly shamed and ignored when they express that they are upset, but parents will overshare and explode with emotion when they feel slighted.
Causes of Family Dysfunction
What Is the Root Cause of Dysfunctional Families?
Dysfunctional families can be caused by unhealthy dynamics being passed down from generation to generation.
They can also be caused by things like substance abuse, untreated mental health problems, unresolved trauma from childhood, and life stresses.
Have you ever asked yourself the question, “Why is my family so dysfunctional?” It could be due to a lot of different factors.
One or both of your parents may not have had good role models to look up to while growing up.
There can also be a lot of external stressors that can weigh on families.
This could include things like financial stress, sicknesses, or unstable unemployment. These things can make it difficult to provide the support, stability, and good communication that is needed within a family system.
The root cause of a dysfunctional family is different from family to family.
For some, it can be a combination of many different complex issues. The best way to address these issues is to seek outside help through things like family therapy.
What Are Unhealthy Coping Skills in Conflicts With Parents and Siblings?
Unhealthy coping skills in conflicts with parents and siblings may include yelling, avoidance, passive aggression, playing the victim, and blaming others.
Effects of Growing Up in a Toxic Family
What Happens When You Grow Up in a Dysfunctional Family?
Poor family dynamics can have a very negative effect on the mental health of everyone involved.
It can lead to poor self-esteem, personality disorders, mental health problems, and even substance use disorders.
The weaknesses or consequences of poor family dynamics are often experienced by the children. These are traits that may continue to affect them in serious ways in adulthood.
Some examples could include:
- Poor communication skills
- Generational trauma
- Lack of understanding of healthy boundaries
- Low self-worth
- Poor confidence
- Trouble knowing how to resolve conflict
- Poor coping skills to deal with stress
- Increased risk of turning to substance use to cope with stressors
Growing up in a dysfunctional family can cause major lasting trauma. It can also cause certain personality disorders and other mental health problems.
These possible disorders resulting from family dysfunction could include:
- Depression
- Post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD)
- Borderline personality disorder (BPD)
- Anxiety disorder
- Codependency within relationship
- Alcohol or drug use disorder
Can a Dysfunctional Family Cause Trauma?
Yes, growing up in a dysfunctional family can cause trauma, low self-esteem, and other mental health problems for the children.
In many cases, family dysfunction can be passed down from generation to generation. Someone can grow up being traumatized from a dysfunctional family and struggling with mental health problems as a result.
If they don’t address those mental health problems, they may pass them down to their own family.
A 2019 study took a look at family functioning and psychological functioning of children within families where one or both of the parents had some sort of mental illness.
The sample involved 67 mentally ill parents and determined that family dysfunction was present in 38% of those families.
It’s important to remember that just because a parent is struggling with their mental health doesn’t mean that their children will automatically experience their own issues as a result. Seeking treatment for mental health issues can prevent dysfunctional family dynamics.
What Happens to Families That Don’t Talk About Feelings?
Some things that can happen to families who don’t talk about their feelings include emotional distance, more conflict, and suppressed emotions.
Can You Get PTSD from a Dysfunctional Family?
Yes, you can get PTSD from a dysfunctional family.
Dysfunctional Family Roles
What Are the 6 Dysfunctional Family Roles?
When a family is dysfunctional, its different members may take on different roles to try to cope. This could include the hero, the scapegoat, the mascot, the golden child, the lost child, the peacemaker, and the enabler.
What Is the Scapegoat Family Role?
This is the person who is often blamed for everything that goes wrong within the family.
For example, they may be blamed for arguments they didn’t actually start or problems that are out of their control.
What Is the Golden Child in a Dysfunctional Family?
The golden child is the one who can do no wrong. They may have certain personality traits like perfectionism, high pressure, and anxiety.
Who Is the Hero in a Dysfunctional Family?
The hero is the family member who may also sometimes be referred to as the golden child. This is the person who brings pride to the family. They may also be considered an overachiever.
Who Is the Peacemaker in a Dysfunctional Family?
The peacemaker is the one who tries to minimize conflict, diffuse tension, and maintain peace within the family.
What Is the Enabler in a Dysfunctional Family?
The enabler is the one who takes care of others within a dysfunctional family and enables their toxic behavior as a result.
What Is the Child Who Breaks Dysfunctional Family Patterns?
The child who breaks dysfunctional family patterns can be known as the “cycle breaker” or the “generational pattern disruptor.”
This is someone who grew up in a dysfunctional family but was determined not to pass these unhealthy patterns down to their children.
They may take steps like going to support groups or seeing a therapist to get help breaking these patterns.
How to Deal with a Dysfunctional Family
How to Fix a Dysfunctional Family?
You can fix dysfunction by acknowledging the problem and seeking therapy.
How to Communicate with a Dysfunctional Family?
You can communicate with members of a dysfunctional family by setting and maintaining boundaries, avoiding becoming emotional during the conflict, and prioritizing your own health needs.
Communication within a dysfunctional family could involve a lot of blame or criticism. For example, one family member could be constantly considered the scapegoat for any of the family’s problems.
Actual accountability could be deflected from the parents to the children.
In some dysfunctional families, communication could look very hostile. It may involve a lot of yelling and screaming.
Arguments may tend to escalate without a resolution ever being reached.
In other cases, it could be the opposite. There could be a lot of passive aggressiveness, but conflicts are rarely brought out openly.
Difficult or uncomfortable topics could be ignored altogether.
Adult children can set boundaries and maintain communication with their dysfunctional family if they choose to do so, but many find peace in separating themselves from their family of origin.
Seeking professional help and surrounding yourself with a strong support system can help in this kind of situation.
How to Deal With Overwhelming Family Members
You can deal with overwhelming family members by setting and maintaining clear boundaries, communicating effectively, seeking support, creating space when needed, and remembering to practice self-care.
How to Set Boundaries With Dysfunctional Family Members?
One of the most important things you can do is to start setting boundaries with dysfunctional family members.
This includes making it clear what behaviors you aren’t going to put up. For example, this could include yelling, hostility, or guilt-tripping.
Make sure that once you’ve communicated these boundaries, you’re consistent with them. If you’re not consistent, your family may think they can get away with disrespecting you.
Dealing with family dysfunction can be very stressful. Be sure to always make self-care a priority for yourself.
The best way to resolve family dysfunction is through healthy boundaries, clear communication, and mutual respect.
How to Detach From a Dysfunctional Family?
You can detach from a dysfunctional family by setting boundaries, limiting contact with them, building your own support system, and focusing on your own growth and emotional needs.
Dysfunctional Family Therapy
Can Therapy Fix a Dysfunctional Family?
Therapy can help fix dysfunction by teaching families how to communicate effectively, set healthy boundaries, and build stronger relationships.
How Do You Break the Cycle of a Dysfunctional Family?
Children can break the cycle through support groups, education, and therapy.
How to Survive in a Dysfunctional Family?
The best way to deal with a dysfunctional family is to reach out for professional help.
This could be reaching out to a school counselor, therapist, teacher, coach, or other trusted adult in your life. They can help provide guidance and practical solutions for how to move forward.
Maybe you are an adult, and you no longer have to see or live with your dysfunctional family on a daily basis.
This doesn’t mean that you aren’t still experiencing the consequences of that dysfunction.
There are some important steps you can take to make sure you’re putting your mental health first when dealing with your family.
Working with a mental health professional can help you to identify the specific ways that family dysfunction has affected you personally.
Once you can recognize these things, you will know what you won’t tolerate moving forward.
One of the most important things you can do is to start setting boundaries with dysfunctional family members. This includes making it clear what behaviors you aren’t going to put up. For example, this could include yelling, hostility, or guilt-tripping.
Make sure that once you’ve communicated these boundaries, you’re consistent with them. If you’re not consistent, your family may think they can get away with disrespecting you.
Dealing with family dysfunction can be very stressful. Be sure to always make self-care a priority for yourself.
The best way to resolve family dysfunction is through establishing boundaries, clear communication, and mutual respect.
How to Overcome Trauma of Dysfunctional Family?
If you grew up in a dysfunctional family, consider seeking outside help through the form of therapy or a support group.
You might be surprised to find out that there are many different support groups available for children of dysfunctional families.
An example includes support for adult children with parents who abused alcohol. There are also support groups for those who grew up with narcissism or other forms of toxic parents.
If you are looking to work through your own issues that are the result of being raised around dysfunction, you may consider an individual therapist.
This can help you to identify your needs as you begin your healing journey.
If you are looking to improve your relationships with other family members, you may consider family therapy. ‘This is a great way to resolve conflicts and build healthy boundaries moving forward.
Are you an adult child of a dysfunctional family? Rest assured that you’re not alone. There are resources available to help you heal.
