The 5 stages of grief include:
The stages of grief are often used to help people understand and navigate the complexities of grief.
However, it is essential to remember that grief is not always straightforward, and it does not always follow a specific order or timeline.
Different types of grief can occur from different experiences, such as:
The 5 stages of grief don’t always happen in order.
Many people often experience all of the stages at some point during their grieving process, but a mix of difficult feelings can come at any time.
Some might go back and forth between stages. Others might skip a stage as they develop different defense mechanisms.
The most important thing to know is that all people experience different types of grief, and those experiences will often be handled in different ways.
You can uncover what stage of grief you are in by looking out for common signs and experiences that are associated with the stages of grief.
Common feelings of grief can include:
If you are experiencing feelings similar to those in each stage, it might help you figure out what stage you might be in and better understand how to get help.
The five stages of grief can help people understand their feelings better, acknowledge them, and recognize when to seek help.
For those who have been diagnosed with a terminal illness, going through the stages of grief in any order can be a helpful way to make peace with their own death.
Those who are bereaved persons from losing loved ones can also process their emotions effectively in the stages of grief, especially if they don’t turn to unhealthy coping mechanisms.
Criticism of the Kübler-Ross model has argued that the research and application of the five stages of grief have not been empirically validated.
However, the stages of grief can be used as a guide to understanding why a person feels the way they feel and help them address ways to get help.
While the stages of grief may not be a scientific metric used in psychiatry, it can still be valuable for people who are going through traumatic experiences.
Having the words to articulate a complex experience can help those who are grieving to feel confident in asking for support.
Denial in the 5 stages of grief is a natural response and can involve refusal to accept the loss or disbelief that the event happened.
When a person is faced with loss, hearing about it or first experiencing it can be extremely overwhelming and difficult to process.
The denial stage of grief can sometimes work as the brain’s defense mechanism.
Sometimes, the sudden experience of a loss is too much for a person to take in, so denial might help the process of understanding this information and give a person some time to take in their new reality.
It is important, however, that this is avoidance behavior should be a temporary stage.
Grief denial can look different from person to person.
This stage serves as a defense mechanism to help cope with overwhelming emotions by allowing individuals to gradually process the reality of the loss.
By denying the reality of the loss, individuals can temporarily avoid the pain, fear, and sadness associated with it.
This protective barrier helps them continue functioning in daily life without being completely overwhelmed by grief.
Common signs and characteristics of grief denial can include:
Someone in the denial stage of grief might try to call or contact the person who they have lost or look forward to seeing them before realizing that they are not here anymore.
There is no set timeline for the denial stage of grief.
However, long-term denial may indicate that the person needs some extra support as they try to heal from their loss.
Professional support from therapists and psychiatrists can help assess how long a stage like denial is helpful for each person’s unique circumstances.
One way to get out of the denial stage of grief is by allowing time to go by and taking everything one day at a time.
Some days can be harder, but you can start healing over time. There is no timeline or rush to figure everything out or to “be okay.”
To cope with the feelings during the denial stage of grief, it can also be helpful to journal and write down what you might be going through.
This might help you process things and release your feelings on grief.
Lastly, talk to someone.
Whether it is a friend, loved one, or a professional, talking to someone can help you process a loss and let go of some of the weight you might be holding.
One way to help someone in the denial stage of grief is to be there for them when they need it and be there to listen and offer support.
Try to stay calm and be gentle with your words.
Often, someone in this stage of grief just needs to let out their emotions, and they need someone to be there for them and make them feel safe enough to share how they are feeling.
If someone close to you is having a very difficult time in the denial stage of grief, you might think about helping them get professional help.
Encouraging them to talk to someone, such as a therapist or another mental health professional, going to grief counseling, or attending a support group can help them feel supported and get the help they need.
Anger is considered the second stage of grief, but a person can experience the different stages of grief in different orders.
After the denial stage of grief, when a person realizes the reality of the loss, it can bring up an overwhelming amount of different emotions, including anger.
Grief can cause intense feelings, which can sometimes result in anger as those who are suffering try to gain control over the situation they are in.
They may experience anger towards other people, towards themselves, towards objects, towards God, or the world at large.
A person experiencing anger from grief might be irritable, frustrated, impatient, or resentful.
They may snap at people in conversations and be hostile when the subject of their grief is brought up.
They may also isolate themselves, or have trouble balancing their emotional pain.
There is no set timeline for each stage of grief, including anger.
Typically, the anger stage can last for a few days to several months.
Some people may move through this stage relatively quickly, while others might experience it more intensely and for a longer period.
One way to deal with the anger stage of grief is by finding things that help you release anger and other emotions without putting yourself in danger or putting others in danger.
For example, some people might yell into a pillow or punch it.
Others might exercise, such as running or boxing, to move their bodies, increase serotonin, and release emotions.
Some people might find things like journaling or meditating to help cope with feelings of anger that can come with complicated grief.
Lastly, talking to a professional about what you might be going through can help lift some of the weight off your shoulders and allow you to release some of the anger.
Anger can stem from various feelings that come with grief such as devastation, blame, hopelessness, powerlessness, or regret.
Anger can also come from having to accept that the person has lost something or someone and that their life will continue without them.
The bargaining stage of grief is when someone starts to make deals with themselves or God as a way to manage their pain and cope with the loss.
They will often engage in “if only” or “what if” statements, such as “If only I had done this differently,” or “What if I could have prevented this?”
This reflects their desire to go back in time and change the outcome.
Bargaining often involves a person trying to get back what they have lost.
For example, a person might try to make deals with a higher power, such as God, saying, “I will be a better person if you bring them back.”
They may also bargain with the past and think of how they could have prevented the loss from happening.
For example, they might tell themselves, “If only I had not let them leave the house, they would still be here.”
To deal with the bargaining stage of grief it is important to include self-care, grounding exercises, and reaching out to a social support system.
Dealing with the bargaining stage of grief is complicated because it involves navigating a complex mix of emotions, including hope, regret, and a yearning to change the past.
Some ways to cope with the bargaining stage of grief can include:
One of the biggest ways to help someone in the bargaining stage of grief is by being there for them when they need someone to listen to them without judgement.
Sometimes, people just need to talk to another person about their thoughts and feelings so that they can process them and eventually start to heal.
Letting them know that it is okay to feel the way they do can go a long way toward helping them feel less alone or guilty about their emotions.
In the depression stage of grief, a person begins to understand and realize the reality of the loss.
This can involve feelings of sadness, loneliness, fear, and regret.
In this stage of grief, it can be hard to get through everyday life.
One might isolate themselves from others, experience changes in their eating and sleeping habits, or experience fatigue and exhaustion.
As painful as this is, depression and acceptance are often tied closely together, and reaching this stage can sometimes indicate that healing is not far off.
Every stage of the grief process can be difficult and painful in its own way, but many people find the depression stage to be incredibly challenging.
There is no set timeline for the depression stage of grief.
For some, the depression stage may last a few weeks or months, while for others, it can go on for years.
It’s important to understand that grief is a personal and unpredictable process.
People might go through the depression stage off and on or alongside other stages like anger or bargaining.
One way to deal with the depression stage of grief is by allowing yourself to feel your emotions without feeling silly or guilty for experiencing them.
Sometimes, when we are faced with difficult emotions, we try to push them away or ignore them as a way to cope.
However, when we bottle them up or pretend that those feelings are not there, it can cause a lot of problems for our mental health and overall well-being.
Coping with depression stage of grief can include doing things like giving yourself space and alone time.
It can also involve seeking support from family and friends, prioritizing self-care, practicing mindfulness and meditation.
Keeping up with physical health will also help grief run its course.
Make sure to continue exercising, eating balanced meals, and getting rest.
Allowing yourself to cry and mourn aloud can also be an important part of processing your grief.
Another way to deal with the depression stage of grief is to talk to a therapist or another mental health professional who can offer a safe and supportive environment.
The acceptance stage of grief involves coming to terms with the reality of the loss and accepting it for what it is.
It does not mean that someone is now happy and okay with everything, but it does mean that they can admit what has happened to them.
It also means they can look forward in their lives, even if they still experience difficult emotions from time to time.
The acceptance stage of grief does not mean a person has moved on from the grief.
Instead, a person in the acceptance stage of grief has begun to accept what the loss means in their life.
They might be able to see things differently or might start seeing more “good” in their days than “bad.”
Although, it can still be hard to cope with the grief. Certain days will be harder than others well into the future.
Acceptance can look like someone becoming more open to doing things that help them move forward or feel better.
For example, if a person has lost someone, they might start to think about their happy memories together and experience both happiness and sadness.
This might also mean a person is more open to talking about what/who they lost.
They also might be more willing to try something new for themselves or their future.
For terminally-ill patients, this stage may include things like accepting palliative care, or making peace with their loved ones before they pass away.
Getting to the acceptance stage of grief can take a long time, and it is important not to force acceptance onto someone who is grieving.
This might lead them to ignore their feelings and bottle them up, which can actually make the grieving process last longer and be more difficult to navigate.
When you feel ready, you might start thinking more about the present and the future rather than the past.
Getting through the other stages of grief and getting to acceptance can involve taking care of yourself, accepting support from others, getting professional support, and being patient with the process.
Losing someone or something in your life can bring up overwhelming emotions.
It can make it difficult to get through everyday life.
Dealing with grief is not easy, especially when you feel like you are going through it alone.
One of the most important things to remember is that everyone deals with grief in their own way.
However, some ways that researchers have found can help you cope with the 5 stages of grief include:
There is no timeline for how long grief should last or how fast a person should “get over” it.
This is true whether or not you are using a 5-stage model to explain the process of grief.
Every stage of grief is difficult in its way.
Some people consider the depression stage of grief to be more complicated than the other stages.
This is because of the feelings of sadness, fear, isolation, loneliness, and other overwhelming emotions that can be happening all at once during this stage.
One thing you shouldn’t do is avoid your feelings when you’re grieving.
When you try to avoid or ignore your feelings when grieving, it can put a lot of weight on your mental health and take a toll on your overall well-being.
You should also not try to self-medicate or turn to alcohol and other substances as a way to cope.
Spending time alone can be good to have space from others.
However, isolating yourself and withdrawing from your loved ones can lead to more feelings of loneliness and sadness.
Unfortunately there is no pill to take or button to push to make the pain of grief go away.
However, grounding yourself and relying on your loved ones can help diminish how sharp the symptoms of grief feel on any given day.
Some things to remember that might help grief hurt less are the following:
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