The Importance of Family-Oriented Storytelling

Why Families’ Stories Matter

What if the most important thing you could do to help your child be more resilient was to tell them a story? Not just any story, but the story of your family.

The “Do You Know?” scale helps measure how well kids understand their family story. It includes 20 questions about family history, from “Where did your parents meet?” to “What was happening in your family during hard times?” 

Studies show that children who can answer more of these questions handle stress better than those who can’t. It’s like having a mental toolbox filled with examples of how their family has faced challenges before.

Science Behind Narratives as Part of Family Tradition

Researchers found that one of the best predictors of how a teen or child will respond to a stressful event is how much they know about their family’s history. This likely has to do with young people’s sense of being part of a larger family. Rather than feeling isolated and alone, they understand their chapter as part of an inter-generational story.

The Role of the Storyteller in Family Traditions

Family traditions can also support a child’s sense of continuity and history. Traditions rooted in stories can be serious or silly, as long as they help create a sense of belonging and togetherness. Let’s explore this in a personal context:

A Personal Family Tradition

“One of my family’s traditions is playing charades at Thanksgiving. Inevitably, one of my uncles chooses a few near-impossible phrases, and a couple of cousins choose pop culture references that are sure to puzzle the older generation. My Aunt Alice once tried to act out ‘twerking.’

My grandfather had his own special categories, mostly vintage cars, and sports teams. One Thanksgiving he was trying to get the family to guess a certain car. When his team asked him how many syllables were in the word, he thought they were asking how many cylinders, and kept going back and forth between six and eight.

The family couldn’t understand why he would be confused as to how many syllables were in a word! Both of my grandparents have now passed, but I have great memories of them playing charades and I continue to embrace my own family story as a result.”

Building Resilience and Family Trust With Stories

While it appears that being a part of any story at all is helpful for kids’ identities and interpersonal relationships, researchers found that family narratives that emphasize family strengths and struggles produce the most resiliency. This is known as the “oscillating family narrative,” which moves back and forth between good times and tough times, painting the whole picture. 

For example, “Our family didn’t know anyone and money was tight when we first moved. But we stuck together and eventually built a life we love.” These stories set kids and teens up to understand that there will be challenges and successes and that their families can support one another during hard times and still celebrate the good.

Ways to Strengthen Your Family Values Through Storytelling

We can see that crafting a solid family story often stems from activities and memories within the family. Here are a few traditions that can encourage a strong family story:

• Create a Family Mission Statement:

  Sit down and talk about what matters most to your family, whether it’s being kind to others, trying new things, or staying active together. Write it down, and update it as your family grows and changes. This shared set of family values helps guide decisions and reminds everyone they’re part of something meaningful.

• Turn Everyday Moments Into Story Time:

  Ask grandparents about their childhood during Sunday dinner, or share funny family memories while driving to school. These casual conversations help piece together your family’s bigger story and create natural opportunities for questions and connections.

• Document Family Memories:

  Start a family memory project that works for you—maybe it’s a shared photo album with captions about the story behind each picture, a simple video diary of family events, or a scrapbook where everyone adds their favorite memories. Capturing these stories lets you revisit and share them for many years.